How to Stop Self-Sabotaging in 7 Simple Steps
We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Just as things start to go well, you find yourself doing something – or not doing something – that throws a spanner in the works. It’s frustrating, maddening even, but it’s a common human experience known as self-sabotage.
The good news is that with a bit of self-awareness and some practical strategies, you can break free from this cycle and start living the life you deserve. In this guide, I share how to stop self-sabotaging in 7 simple steps.
What is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage is when you consciously or unconsciously get in the way of your own goals and desires. It’s that little voice in your head that says you’re not good enough, or that you don’t deserve success. It’s the actions you take – or don’t take – that prevent you from achieving your potential.
Whether it’s procrastinating on a big project, avoiding a difficult conversation, or setting yourself up for failure with unrealistic expectations, self-sabotage can show up in many forms.
At its core, self-sabotage is about fear – fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown. It’s your mind’s way of keeping you in your comfort zone, even if that comfort zone isn’t serving you well.
But here’s the thing: you don’t have to listen to that fear.
You can choose to act differently, to step out of your own way, and to create the life you really want.
10 Reasons You Might Self-Sabotage
I know what you’re thinking, why would anyone self-sabotage?
Understanding why you self-sabotage is the first step towards overcoming it. Here are some common reasons people engage in self-sabotaging behavior:
Fear of failure: You might be afraid of failing, so you don’t try at all. This way, you can avoid the pain of failure, but you also miss out on the opportunity to succeed.
Fear of success: Success can be just as scary as failure. It can bring new responsibilities, expectations, and changes. You might sabotage your efforts to avoid dealing with these pressures.
Low self-esteem: If you don’t believe you’re worthy of success or happiness, you might unconsciously sabotage your efforts to achieve them.
Comfort zones: Stepping outside your comfort zone can be intimidating. Self-sabotage keeps you in familiar territory, even if it’s not where you want to be.
Control issues: Some people self-sabotage because they want to maintain a sense of control. If you fail on your own terms, it feels less scary than if failure happens to you.
Imposter syndrome: If you feel like a fraud, you might sabotage your success to avoid being “found out.”
Need for drama: Believe it or not, some people self-sabotage because they thrive on drama and chaos. Without it, life feels too dull.
Perfectionism: If you can’t do something perfectly, why bother doing it at all? This mindset often leads to procrastination and missed opportunities.
Unresolved trauma: Past experiences of trauma or abuse can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors as a way of coping with deep-seated pain.
Fear of change: Even positive change can be scary. Self-sabotage keeps things the way they are, even if they’re not ideal.
Source: The Self-Sabotage Cycle: Why We Repeat Behaviors That Create Hardships and Ruin Relationships by Rosner and Hermes
How to Know if You Are Self-Sabotaging
Recognizing self-sabotage isn’t always easy because it can be subtle and insidious. However, certain patterns of behavior are clear indicators that you might be undermining your own success. Here are a few things to watch out for!
Procrastination
We all procrastinate sometimes, but if you find yourself repeatedly putting off important tasks, it could be a form of self-sabotage.
Procrastination is often about fear – fear of failure, fear of success, or fear of the unknown. By delaying action, you avoid facing these fears, but you also miss out on opportunities.
Perfectionism
Perfectionism might seem like a positive trait, but it’s often a mask for self-sabotage. If you’re waiting for the “perfect” moment or trying to do something perfectly before you start, you’re likely holding yourself back.
The pursuit of perfection can prevent you from taking action, learning from mistakes, and making progress.
Looking for arguments
If you find yourself picking fights or creating conflicts, it might be a way of sabotaging your relationships or opportunities. This behavior can be a way of pushing people away or creating drama to distract from your own insecurities.
Setting Unrealistic Expectations
Setting goals is important, but if your goals are unrealistic, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment, frustration, and a sense of inadequacy, which can feed into the cycle of self-sabotage.
Avoidance
Avoiding difficult tasks, conversations, or situations is a common form of self-sabotage. By avoiding what needs to be done, you stay in your comfort zone, but you also prevent yourself from growing and achieving your goals.
Lack of Commitment
If you struggle to commit to your goals or follow through on your plans, it could be a sign of self-sabotage. A lack of commitment can stem from fear, insecurity, or a desire to avoid responsibility.
Pessimistic Thinking
Negative thinking can be a major roadblock to success. If you constantly expect the worst or believe that things won’t work out, you’re likely to sabotage your efforts and miss out on opportunities.
Making Excuses
If you find yourself making excuses for why you can’t do something, it could be a form of self-sabotage. Excuses are a way of avoiding responsibility and justifying inaction.
7 Steps to Stop Self-Sabotaging and Change Your Behaviour
Now that you know what self-sabotage looks like, it’s time to take action.
Here are five steps you can take to stop self-sabotaging and start making positive changes in your life.
Step 1: Self-Awareness
The first step to overcoming self-sabotage is becoming aware of it.
Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Notice when you’re engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors and ask yourself why.
What are you afraid of? What are you trying to avoid?
The more you understand your patterns, the better equipped you’ll be to change them.
Step 2: Track Your Habits and Behaviours
Keep a journal or use an app to track your habits and behaviors. Write down when you procrastinate, avoid tasks, or engage in negative thinking.
By tracking your behavior, you can identify patterns and triggers that lead to self-sabotage. This awareness will help you take control of your actions and make more conscious choices.
Step 3: Challenge Your Negative Behaviours and Thoughts
Once you’ve identified your self-sabotaging behaviours and thoughts, it’s time to challenge them. Ask yourself whether these thoughts are based on reality or fear.
Are they helping you achieve your goals, or are they holding you back?
Replace negative thoughts with positive, empowering ones. Instead of saying, “I’m not good enough,” say, “I’m capable of achieving my goals.”
Also read: How to overcome limiting beliefs
Step 4: Develop a List of Positive Affirmations
Positive affirmations are powerful tools for rewiring your thoughts and changing your behavior.
Create a list of affirmations that resonate with you, such as “I am worthy of success,” “I am in control of my life,” or “I trust myself to make the right decisions.”
Repeat these affirmations daily, especially when you notice self-sabotaging thoughts creeping in.
Step 5: Tell a Friend About Your Journey
Sharing your journey with a trusted friend can provide support, accountability, and encouragement. Let them know that you’re working on overcoming self-sabotage and ask for their help in holding you accountable.
Having someone to talk to can make the process less overwhelming and more manageable.
Step 6: Start an Accountability Journal
An accountability journal is a great way to track your progress and stay motivated.
Write down your goals, your action steps, and your successes. Reflect on your challenges and how you overcame them. Use your journal as a tool to hold yourself accountable and celebrate your growth.
Step 7: Aim for Small Improvements Over Time
Change doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s okay!
Instead of trying to make big changes all at once, focus on making small improvements over time. Set realistic goals and take small steps towards achieving them.
Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and keep moving forward.
You might like: How to get 1% better every day
How Journaling Can Help You Stop Self-Sabotaging
I’ve been there! A few years ago I was stuck in an endless self-sabotage cycle with a mental health condition that caused me to suffer physically and mentally. Fast forward 5 years and I’m better than I’ve ever been!
For me, the most effective tool for overcoming self-sabotage was journaling. This simple habit helped me to understand my thoughts and behaviours, identify setbacks and hold myself accountable when I started to change.
Here’s how journaling can help you stop self-sabotaging:
Self-reflection: Journaling gives you a space to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. By writing down your experiences, you can gain insight into your self-sabotaging patterns and explore the underlying reasons behind them.
Clarity: Writing things down can help you gain clarity and perspective. When you’re feeling overwhelmed or stuck, journaling can help you sort through your thoughts and find solutions.
Accountability: Keeping a journal allows you to track your progress and holdyourself accountable. You can use your journal to set goals, monitor your actions, and celebrate your achievements. It’s a powerful way to stay focused and committed to your journey of self-improvement.
Emotional release: Journaling can also be a therapeutic tool for releasing pent-up emotions. When you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or frustrated, writing about your feelings can provide a healthy outlet for expressing and processing your emotions.
Positive reinforcement: Use your journal to reinforce positive changes in your behavior. Write about the steps you’ve taken to overcome self-sabotage and the positive outcomes that have resulted. This will help you build confidence and maintain your momentum.
Problem-solving: When you encounter obstacles or challenges, journaling can help you brainstorm solutions and develop action plans. By writing down different approaches, you can gain new perspectives and find creative ways to move forward.
By following the steps outlined in this guide, you can overcome self sabotage and stop getting in your own way!
Stopping self-sabotage is not about perfection, but about progress. It’s a journey that requires patience, self-awareness, and a commitment to making small, consistent changes.
By understanding why you self-sabotage, recognizing the signs, and taking proactive steps to change your behavior, you can break free from this destructive cycle and start living a more fulfilling, successful life.